"The One For You"

Everyone says I'll meet him. Everyone says he's out there. But what if he's not? My friends say they want me to be happy, they talk of hooking me up, of me having more babies. Anything is possible, I suppose, but what if that's just not in the cards for me?

Someone once told me, "Two people working together is always better." But why does that neccessarily have to be true? One person can control her own finances, one person can make her own decisions, one person can raise her children as she sees fit, one person has no one to argue with, to answer to, to compromise for, to lie to her. So many aspects of my single life are quite enjoyable to me.

I guess I just want to be happy, and in my life where I am surrounded by happy couples who are a stark reminder that I am alone, I want to be content. Around my friends whose children have a mother and a father, I want to know that my children are no worse off, are just as happy and well adjusted and secure without a father.

I want to make peace with the relationship I did have, and the man I did love, but no longer do. I want to leave it in the past where it can no longer define me.

It's hard to feel lonely and not hate myself for it. I try so hard to take care of myself and find fulfillment in my life as it is, and I really feel quite content, which makes the weaker moments so infuriating. I used to be such a night person, but no more.

I suppose I made things hard for myself, but what is there to regret? To hear my baby say "Mama," to feel his tiny hand grasp mine while we're walking, is heaven. To hear Rockstar, in a tender moment, tell me, "Don't forget I love you," makes me feel more loved than I've ever felt.

Maybe I'll never meet my "soulmate." My life is far from empty, and not lacking in love.